Avast! Who Be We?
We be the Pirate Goats — the only seafaring herd brave enough to chew through the riggin', plunder the galley, and headbutt the kraken back into the deep. Half cloven-hoofed mischief, half mutinous menace, all yarr.
"Never trust a goat with one eye and a hunger for your map." — Old sailor's warning
The Crew
- Captain Billy Bones-the-Goat — fearless, flatulent, fond of cartography (as a snack).
- One-Horn Olga — lost the other horn in a duel over a tin can.
- Cabin Kid — barely a season old, already wanted in three ports.
- Quartergoat Maeve — keeps the grog and eats the ledger.
The Goat Code
- Plunder all cabbages, but leave one for the next herd.
- He who chews the captain's hat captains the ship.
- No headbutting below decks (it dents the hull).
- If ye fall overboard, ye float — goats be buoyant and proud.
Grass Grog
No pirate goat sails dry. Our brew of choice be Grass Grog — fermented hay-mash, fortified with thistle, aged in an old oak bucket that's seen things. One swig and even Cabin Kid can chew through a mizzenmast.
"A barrel a day keeps the sea-sickness at bay. Two barrels and ye are the sea." — Quartergoat Maeve
- Thistle Stout — bitter, prickly, builds horn.
- Cabbage Cider — crisp, a little gassy, dangerously moreish.
- Bilge Lager — brewed below decks, best not asked about.
Ship's Log
Latest dispatch from the crow's nest: spotted a fat merchant vessel loaded with hay bales and root vegetables. Course set. Horns sharpened. Baaaah.